somewhere along the way.

this sounds like a revolution. particles of me are going to be surfacing half a world away in a few days.

and now i have to keep my mouth shut.
its done. now all i have to do is wait.
waiting is the hardest part.

you found me.

i'm still living in lastnight's dreams.
i still can't fathom everything that occured a mere 20 hours ago.

to take into consideration.

i hate not approving comments for the sake of other's feelings.

a line, drawn.

these mis-interpretations and over-analyzations are making me ill. this has to stop. these reoccuring fixations of what we want to believe is being presented and the reality of what it really is produces stress. i'm never going to be anxiety free and that kills me. the fact of the matter is i need to stop worrying so much. the hardest thing to admit is that "i cannot make everybody happy". yes, thats the truth.

then i think, what is life with no second guesses and doubts? would the eventually "good" outcome be so worthwhile if the stress wasnt to accompany it? i have always thought that way, but then i think "i'm not sure" because is all this anger and uncertainty necessary? is it? and really? how so? why?

these are the things i will never understand. so step it once and breathe.
just remember i am going to be fine.

that time is now.

i'm losing faith in people. this sense of impending doom frequently washes over me and shadows my hope. its so incredibly present and its building:

the worst thing you can do is put your trust in someone.
the worst thing you can do is need someone.

i honestly feel like,
i want to start over and in this new beginning, you wouldnt be there. and i would be fine, because
i can throw people away like trash.

"you say the meanest things"
i know.

i'm only pretty sure that i can't take anymore.

if there is but only one truth to be told, know that people will always let you down.

do you wonder what we are fighting for? is this even worth calling something. this doesnt deserve a definition. this shouldnt have to be categorized and twisted up to appear something it isnt. today, has been a long time coming and in the back of my mind. i think you knew. you know.

i dont like confrontation. things you bottle up inside will eventually burst. and then there is nothing. and then there is silence. this leaves me with not a friendly bone in my body. there is no room to breathe. time has begun to run out. i wonder if you are even listening, for there is silence, still. you arent the victim.

ignorance is bliss, but it always hurts you in the long run. don't be too blind, it gets you in trouble.
this has taken so much effort. and the truth is finally revealed.
you are the killer.

and if this is worth fighting for, then fight.
its your turn.

i'm no good at this.

where do you get your inspiration? i dont want to make you uncomfortable. i thought we could just start with some simple questions. short answers are fine, but dont feel limited to answer in one paragraph. did i inadvertly just contradict myself? that was not a question intended for you to answer. is this confusing you?

now i'm uneasy. somewhat unsettled and stirred. staring blankly ahead.
i am silent.
my face, a mask of splendid human features.
i am not real.

i realize that we didnt quite get off on the right foot a minute ago. i was actually hoping we could start all over again. well, actually is there anything i can get you to drink? some coffee maybe or a cup of tea. do you like tea?

a nod.

hot or cold?